You have to flirt platonically and nix mixed signals. Making new buds is essentially dating without sex. But randomly giving a straight dude my number and asking him to "hang out" sounds like the opening scene of a really bad gay-for-pay porn. The whole scenario left me slightly paranoid where my default question became, "Is he or isn't he?" Every dude I met seemed to be throwing mixed signals, and soon thereafter, I began assuming the only reason any guy talked to me was because he, too, was into men.Ĭhalk it up to PTSD or (more likely) immaturity. We hooked up, things got weird, he fell in love with someone who wasn't me. The whole setup was uninhibited by politics, and it was refreshing.
I had a lot of straight guy friends in college - even my best friend was straight - and we'd discuss sex without ranking lovers' attractiveness or endowment, soberly gorge on McDonald's without mourning our abs and have sleepovers without the awkward subtext. Friendship turns into a game of survival of the fittest, where we're competing to be the alpha male, who is literally the fittest.
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I want straight friends-straight guy friends-but I don't know how to do it.īecause gay men share many of the same experiences, they tend to compare those experiences and everything in between. I am a gay man, all my friends are gay and.I'm over it.
And when I say "bars," I'm referring to Scarlet and Sidetrack. Of course, when I say "sports leagues," I mean gay dodgeball and gay bowling. We've met in sports leagues, at bars and on dating apps.